LMAO--Finally!

I recently made an amazing discovery about personal relationships. The go more smoothly when one is able to admit to making mistakes, and apologize sincerely for the bloody aftermath of one's missteps. And by "one," I mean--let's be clear on this--me.

You may be tempted to think that I'm being sarcastic. I know, I know, a blog entry written in earnest--what could be more boring? But actually, if you stop to think of it for a moment, it's incredible that I was able to make it to nearly the age of thirty without realizing that it's possible to be wrong, even when you're *100 percent sure* that you're right. Or that it's possible to be treating someone like a complete asshole, even though you *didn't mean to hurt them.*

Most people learn these things in kindergarten, at the outside. Yet it's amazing how far one can get in life while still maintaining a basic sense of superiority and infallibility. You'd think that reality--certainly social reality--would make this impossible. You'd think that the overwhelming weight of the evidence and the power of social pressure would stamp these characteristics out. But that isn't what happens.

One of the cool bonus features of discovering that I too can be wrong is that it suggests a whole new arena of amusement. My own fuckups! What could be more hilarious, it turns out, than my own idiotic behavior and ignorance? It's strangely relaxing to ridicule oneself. And it's so much easier than having to invent ever more tenacious and truth-affronting ways to justify one's deplorable, assinine behavior.

The other cool side effect of developing a realistic perspective on my own deficiencies is that it tends to have a disarming effect on others. This is particularly true of those who've taken collateral damage as a result of my anti-heroic attempts to maintain a brittle veneer of perfection. Fortunately, it appears that the human capacity for forgiveness is deep. I'd better hope that it is.

'Twas the Season

I make my living from a small professional private practice. I started it up last year, and a big part of my marketing efforts were directed at making nice with others in my community who were in a position to send me referral business. When I do get a new client this way, I send a thank-you to the person who made the referral.

So it was Christmas time and I sent one of these thank-you notes to a colleague who’s kind of a bigshot here in town. I usually type these things out on my computer, put ‘em on letterhead, and send ‘em out. But I like to write a little note by hand at the bottom to personalize the letter a bit. I made the mistake of writing “Merry Christmas,” on the bottom of this particular note.

A few days later I got a flame voice mail from the bigshot, informing me patronizingly that she was “deeply offended” that I had wished her Merry Christmas, that “not everyone celebrates Christmas,” and finally that she “hopes I’ll be more sensitive to others in the future.”

Hmm. At first I was embarrassed. Then pissed. Then I got into a really interesting discussion with my wife (who’s a law student and likes to think about these kinds of things) about the conflicting interests of freedom of expression versus freedom from expression in a democratic society. In the end, I was glad that the self-righteous bigshot had called me out on the carpet, because it led to my thinking hard about an interesting ethical issue that I’d never bothered to really form a reasoned position on until now.

So what did I finally decide? I decided that there’s nothing inherently offensive or discriminatory in an expression of goodwill, from within one’s own particular idiom (be it atheistic, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or whatever), and that to opt for a culturally-generic phrase (like “Happy Holidays”) out of a fear of giving offense is a de facto denial of the diversity that the politically-correct crowd claims to defend.

Of course, I’ve been wrong before…

A Guilty Fan

I love U2. I've said it.

It bothers me. I feel guilty, like being a fan was a shameful thing. Shouldn't I have grown-up heroes, instead of idolizing flashy celebrities? Is it normal to wonder if my life would have turned out differently if only I'd gotten tickets to see a show or two on the Joshua Tree tour? Maybe that would have been just the kick in the ass I needed.

You know how when you were fourteen and you used to listen to I Think We're Alone Now by Tiffany and you would get all worked up and think that she was singing about you and that girl who used to sit at the station across from yours in Introduction to Physical Sciences? That's how I feel when I listen to U2. Not always, but still. I'm not fourteen.

Some people, they grow up and move on. Not me. I've been listening to U2 since high school. Thank God they churn out a new album every three years or so. You can imagine the dark period I suffered through in the late 90's, with Zooropa and Pop. Dark times. But we made it. And the new album is really quite good. I just hope with their return to a more classic U2 sound they're not putting conceptual bookends around their career...

Oh, I'm sorry...are you still reading this?